


imagine how it would feel

by LuckyGirl17



Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-05
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-06-06 11:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6752632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyGirl17/pseuds/LuckyGirl17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny pulled back, looking sheepish and almost frightened, before Usnavi had even had the chance to react. “I’m sorry.” He had never heard Benny sound so insecure. “You gotta believe me, I didn’t mean-” </p>
<p>Benny cut himself off with a sharp exhale, a laugh with no amusement in it. “I thought that it would go away,” his voice sounds hollow, eyes closed as he forces himself to continue, “if I saw you with someone else. That I would be happy seeing you happy, that it would help me move on. But, God, it only made it worse.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	imagine how it would feel

Usnavi watched as Benny quickly made his way out of the bodega. They couldn’t go on like this. Or rather, they could, but Usnavi wasn’t about to let that happen. 

For the last few weeks, ever since Usnavi had his date at the club with Vanessa, Benny had been distant. He came around the bodega less and when he did drop by, he never stayed to hang around with Usnavi, didn’t tease him about finally getting the girl or even ask how he and Vanessa were doing. 

He didn’t even get his own order anymore, refusing his Milky Way, Daily News, and New York Post with a polite smile. He just picked up Kevin Rosario’s coffee and left again. 

And Usnavi wasn’t having it anymore. He had tried to ask Benny what was wrong and had been brushed off with a tense, “it’s nothing.” A sad smile had crossed Benny’s face at that, belying his statement.

And it stung. 

Suddenly, his best friend had started pulling away from him, no explanations given. Usnavi thought of all the times that he and Benny had stayed up through the night talking and felt tears try to prick at his eyes as he remembered their stilted and forced conversation just this morning. Christ, he didn’t even know what he’d done.

A groan of frustration left Usnavi. He couldn’t be here crying on the job. He wouldn’t be here crying on the job if Benny would just talk to him. But that was seeming less and less likely as the days went by with no indication of him opening up.

He decided to visit Benny’s place after he finished at the bodega for the day. If something was wrong, if he had done something, maybe Benny would be more willing to discuss it not in public. And if Benny didn’t want to see him, well, he could tell him that to his face. Usnavi felt like he at least deserved that. 

Customer after customer walked in, and Usnavi helped them in a haze of the routine. A businessman wanted condoms and a black coffee. Someone else came in looking for a Diet Pepsi and some tortilla chips. It kept him occupied, but his mind kept drifting back to Benny. 

The way he seemed to be avoiding his gaze, looking away sharply whenever Usnavi tried to talk to him. The way he kept coming up with excuses for why he couldn’t stay and talk to him. The way Benny seemed almost anxious in his presence now. He couldn’t figure out what had caused the change.

“Yo, cuz, you been staring at that wall like it’s wronged you. I gotta fight it for you or something?” Sonny’s joking voice broke through his reverie. His raised eyebrows conveyed the tone of the joke, but he still managed to look concerned nonetheless. 

Usnavi mustered up a smile. “Nah, man. It’s just been a long day.” 

Pushing back off the counter, Usnavi headed to the back room of the bodega to check on one last thing before he left Sonny in charge of closing for the night. “The grate is fixed, so that shouldn’t give you any trouble tonight. It’s been a pretty normal day, but just give me a call if you need anything.” After talking with Sonny for a bit longer, Usnavi found himself on his way to Benny’s place. 

He knew the way there by heart, having walked this same path so many times before to hang out and relax with Benny after they were both done working for the day. Normally, he would be smiling, excited to spend time with his best friend. Today, however, he couldn’t stop the creeping feeling of dread curling in his chest, had to convince himself to keep going with each step. 

Hand poised to knock on Benny’s door, Usnavi paused, debated whether he should even be here. Benny had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want to talk, probably wouldn’t appreciate him showing up out of the blue like this and yet, here he was. Maybe Benny really did just need some space. Maybe Benny would be even more upset with him for thinking he was entitled to stop by. 

Maybe Usnavi just needed to stop worrying and knock. He’d been staring at the door for a few minutes now, as if any second the door would give him the answer as to how to go about mending the sudden rift that had appeared in his relationship with Benny.

The door swung open without Usnavi moving his hand to knock. Startled, he took a few shuffled steps back. Looking up, Benny seemed equally as surprised to see him there, with another expression on his face that Usnavi couldn’t quite place. 

Usnavi looked every bit as awkward and anxious as he felt, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking forward on his feet a little. “So, ah, can I come in?” It came out stuttered, hesitatingly. 

For a long moment, Benny looked at the wall over Usnavi’s shoulder and he had to consider that maybe Benny really wasn’t going to let him at all. Slowly, Benny nodded and stepped back to allow him in. He waved Usnavi over to the couch and padded in to the kitchen, depositing the trash he was going to take out and grabbing some water. Fiddling with the ice tray, it occurred to Benny that he was just trying to put this off, delay the inevitable. So he steeled himself and walked back over to Usnavi.

“So,” Benny said, long and drawn out, with no obvious conclusion to the statement coming. A wave of his hand indicated that he was dropping the thought, prompting Usnavi to speak first.

At this, Usnavi fidgeted. He hadn’t planned this far, hadn’t really thought about what would happen if he were allowed through the door. Usnavi swallowed around the lump in his throat and began to speak. 

“You’ve been avoiding me, Benny.” The words didn’t come out in the angry tone Usnavi had been hoping for, sounding small and sad to his own ears. “And I need to know why.”

Benny drew a deep breath, eyes sliding shut. “Usnavi, it’s no-”

“Don’t you dare tell me it’s nothing.” This time, the anger Usnavi had been searching for was there. He stood up off the couch as the words rushed out of him, the frustration and confusion of the past weeks seeping out into his words. “You’re my best friend, Benny. And then all of a sudden, it seems like you can’t stand to be around me. You never stop by anymore, and when you do, it’s like you can’t even look at me.” His voice broke, and he stopped to take a breath, calming himself down. “I just need to know what’s wrong. I need to know why you’re mad at me.” 

Usnavi waited as Benny opened and shut his mouth a few times, no words coming out. A flash of sadness followed by resolute determination appeared on Benny’s face and he strode over to where Usnavi was standing.

He barely had time to process Benny’s approach before his lips were on his, brief and sweet, a hand holding the side of his face.

Benny pulled back, looking sheepish and almost frightened, before Usnavi had even had the chance to react. “I’m sorry.” He had never heard Benny sound so insecure. “You gotta believe me, I didn’t mean-” 

Benny cut himself off with a sharp exhale, a laugh with no amusement in it. “I thought that it would go away,” his voice sounds hollow, eyes closed as he forces himself to continue, “if I saw you with someone else. That I would be happy seeing you happy, that it would help me move on. But, God, it only made it worse.”

“Benny-” Usnavi’s voice was unsteady and quiet, choked with emotion, and Benny seemed not to hear him as he pressed on.

“And it hurt. So I pulled back.” Tears started to form in Benny’s eyes and he shook his head roughly. “Fuck, Usnavi, I’m not mad at you. I’m in love with you.”

Silently, Usnavi gaped at Benny, barely able to comprehend what he had just heard. Benny, for his part, stared down at the ground, unable to meet Usnavi’s searching gaze.

The quiet dragged on for a just a moment more before Benny begged, “Please, Usnavi, say something. Anything.” His hand dragged through his hair, a nervous habit Usnavi had seen at least a million times before. He had tears brimming in his eyes still.

It was that sight that brought Usnavi forward towards Benny. His hands reached out to brush at his cheeks, tenderly wiping the barely formed tears away. The hope in Benny’s eyes was enough to make Usnavi’s heart stop.

Leaning forward ever so slightly, Usnavi pressed a kiss onto Benny’s lips. Immediately, Benny’s hands came up to his face, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss. Usnavi could feel the soft drag of Benny’s teeth against his lower lip as they pulled away for air.

Benny was staring at Usnavi reverently, as though he had just been saved, and Usnavi whispered out, “I love you, too, Benny.”

Resting their foreheads together, Benny smiles wide.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me @ sintheheights on tumblr


End file.
